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July 8th, 2009

04:22 pm - i've done it! oh my gosh, i cant believe it. ive finsihed uni!!!! its so so odd how flipping quickly the 3 years have gone. im like a nurse now, an actual nurse. i think it might take a bit of getting used to!! im not gonna be able to use the term student nurse now :(  and even better i have aa job. im gonna be working on ward 33 in the childrens hospital. this is where i have just had my 18 week placement, so it was kinda weird leaving coz ii was like ill be back in 2 months! in my interview they asked me when i wanted to start i said september. i figured this was the last proper holiday i'd get so i might as well take advantage of it. also i dont get my nmc pin til sept time, so if i worked over summer it would be as a health care assistant. im kinda excited about starting work. im still highly thinking i want to end up doing mental health at some point. but i think ill benefit loads from a bit of hospital work. i think the thing im most worried is about like being a staff nurse, and being more indepenant. although i have realised i probs know more than i think i do, and like ive been able to help the first years, which has helped my confidence and shown me i know more than i think i do. i think as well like th nurses on the ward will know me, but then i'm qa bit worried abiut the change in role, and that they'll be expecting more from me. im sure it'll all be ok and im just worrying too much. ive gotta move out soon too. i think im going in 2 weeks coz it'll give me a few days at home before i do bitesize. im actully starting to dread moving out. the thought of packing scares m, i have fr too much stuff. buts its gonna be werid not living with the girls again. smiler moved out end of may, katy left about three weeks ago, and char wnet this morning. its so odd thw house is gettin quieter. it's only me lou abby and amy left. and i think what makes it a bit harder is we are the orignal 4 who have always lived togther. leaving is gonna be pretty hard i think. i dont like goodbyes. although all of us are staying in bristol :) plus im moving in with mim which im proper excited about :) its just werid im ok when i think about all the good stuff thats gonna happen, but when i think about leaving people makes me sad :( anyways, i better go, harry potter is calling! lots of love. if people are around over summer we should all meet up xx Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: im a friend of God

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February 11th, 2009

02:21 pm - dissertation joy well, i guess im only on here to procrastinate! im so confused about my dissertation and stuff at the moment. i'm in the lib at uni, where i think i should just set up camp really! i really wanna do well on my diss, but i am just lacking motivation big time at the moment. i finished one of my subquestions this morning, but its 2000 words and only meant to be 1500, but i dont know what i can cut out. or even if ive done it right, t just seems far too descriptive and not enough anaylsis! ive been so so lucky i guess. on my course there is degree and also diploma students, and the diploma students have had lectures for the past 4 weeks, so we've had the time off to do our dissertations. but i kinda feel like its all been watsed. i know ive made progress and kinda know what im doing better, but i think its just coz its not on paper i feel like its not there! we start placement next week, which means full time work, dissertation plus placement work. i just feel like im gonna go under at some point and crack! i hate feeling like this, but i just cant seem to focus. and i keep paniciing but not really doing anything with it. arrrrrrrrrrrrrr lik i totally intended to do loads and loads last week, but then it snowed and so i went out to play too much! which to be honest im glad i did coz i ended up feeling happier and better about things, and like less stressed, and we never get snow so i thought it was quite a treat, but now im regretting it all! and wished i had been more disciplined and worked more. i dont think it helps that ive picked up a bit of a cold. so my head hurts, im blocked up, really tired and generally feeling quite pants! i managed to write 1000 words yesterday, and felt so much happier. i guess i need to try to do some, nd not worry too much, but easier said than done. im seein my tutor tomoro and she is wonderful, and also seems so positive about it all. and i guess i can get help and advice when i see her. right im gonna make an attmept at this for a bit e thinks love you all Current Mood: crappy Current Music: take thatb :)

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January 16th, 2009

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December 24th, 2008

02:08 pm - Christmas eve! i seem to be updating lots reecently, but i have time. well its christmas eve, and im finally starting to get excited. and the thought of not doing any uni work for a while is lush. im not doing any at all before the weekend, altho its rubbish as i still panic when i try and sleep about how much i have to do. but i need a break other wise im gonna go crazy! the carol service at church was lush, dave came, altho hark the hearld angels is far far too high! just went for a drink after which was awesome too. monday attempted work but didnt happe. in the eve me hol and nix went to my uni house, we were gonna watch a film but just sat and chatted. we did our christmas present sawp too, and hol bought me an awesome top, and nix got me eye liner and a pirate hotwater bottle! ooo and i bought my mum's christmas present, i cant believe i nearly forgot to get her something! yesterday did a bit of work on my presentation. in the eve went to my homegroup. we had mince pies and watched muppet christmas carol. that is offically the best christmas film ever, it combines literature and muppets, what could be better! and also on dvd is t doesnt have belles song! so, went to supermarkets with nix this morning, so she could get last minute christmas food, and wasnt too manic. mmmm going to daves later, im so temptted to print of carol lyrics so we can have a sing song lol. going to midnight mass tonight at woodies, but the thought of staying up that late is makiing me feel sleepy. but hey santas coming later! im gettting very excited a bit like a child again. right, i might go and finish wrapping up my christmas presents, oooo and ive got you tube on so i can listen to christmas music, good times! love you all hope you all have an awesome awesome christmas xxxx Current Mood: excited Current Music: feed the wurzels

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December 21st, 2008

01:51 pm - i'm home!!! yay, im so excited i'm home! so so nice being in my own room in my parents house. lecture tues was ok, did nearly fall asleep tho! i went out monday and was so so tired. wedsnesdy just packed and cleaned a bit. did my childrens homegroup in the eve, which was really random. we went got food on glos road then went and ate in st andrews park! havent really done much since ive been home. thurs went to kingsweston and they had their school christmas show, which was awesome. my class did jingle bells and i had to stand an make sure joseph flapped his ribbon and didnt run away! friday went christmas shopping. ive realsied this has been my most uninspired christmas, ive just not really known what to buy, and for some reason i'm just not quite as excited as i normally am. i think its probs just coz its been a crazy and manic term at uni, and i think its kinda been the last thing ive been thinking about. it is quite sad though, coz its the last christmas i know i am definatley going to have off! when i was on placement all the nurses were waiting for the christmas off duty to come out, next year that'll be me! but it means i'll have money and be ale to afford presents! church was good this morning. it was a fmaily service so there was lots of kids things. i was thinking about what i still needed to buy for christmas, and i thought it was only nix, but then i realsied ive not got my mum anything. i think as well, coz i know i still have to do my dissertation and a presentation to do its just stressing me a bit! coz i feel bad for not working but i think if i worked all the holidays i'd go crazy and then struggle when i got back to uni. ooo this is a really random entry, oh well. love you all xxxxx Current Mood: lethargic

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December 13th, 2008

11:27 am - nearly hometime! i'm so so excited! i have one more day of uni (on tues), and then i'm done for christmas, and going home on wednesday! i actually can't wait, im so so excited! like even tho im still gonna be in bristol, its still like going home, and i get to see my parents and just be in my home again. like, i love my uni house, my housemates and the course and stuff but its been a really really long term! ive never really had "student holiday" coz our course is so intense and we never break up tl end of july. although actually we kinda finished end of june this year, but had dissertation meetings and stuff in july so it wasnt like we were on holiday. but yeah so really only had august off and then we started back on like the 6th sept! so have had a really long term(or feels like it). normally after summer we have lectures then sorta 2-7 weeks of placement, break up for christmas and have placement agfter christmas. but this year we came back really early and did 10 weeks of placement, and then have had lectures! plus we've done a module online and had mini deadlines every other week, and we've got to do a 20min presentation in jan, plus i'm still doing my dissertation! i was on the phone to my friend liz last nigth and we both reckon its been one of the most stressful terms! i am so looking forward to having time off, but at the same time i have so much work to do. but i guess i need to take some time to relax coz otherwise i feel like i might go slightly crazy! i cant believe im so close to being a real nurse, with a real job! i'm so looking forward to it, as its what ive always wanted to be, but at the same time the thought terrifies me! i know when we qualify we're not meant to know anything, and ive started to see that i know more than i think i do. but theres just something in the back of my mind which i dont know i guess im just scared! although, im realising more and more i dont want to be a nurse who works on a ward for the rest of my life! i think by doing the course ive realised how many options there are available. i really want to go into mental health, and possibly be a camhs community nurse, but i dont really know how id go about doing it, or what extra qualifications i'd need. oooo and i think i finally understand how to write my dissertation. i saw my tutor yesterday, and we went throught the work ive done. ive so far written 500 words! but she said considering i was saying im really struggling with it, and cant get motivated what ive written is really good! this made me happy! and apparently ive done what im meant to, which is basically explain why we need to use evidence based practice. i still need to finish my journal search, but i had decided yesterday i should probs read the articles i had, and i actualyl understood them! so i feel kinda happy with it now. so i might actually be able to calm down a bit! anyways im gonna go an have early lunch me thinks. me and my house mates are going to noahs ark zoo farm to watch a nativity service with real animals!xxc Current Mood: thoughtful

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December 2nd, 2008

12:15 pm i'm ill! ok well not as bad as i was just not overly feeling great! got home sunday and somehow managed to not go to bed til 12:30, but then i couldnt sleep. this has been happening far far too frequently recently! i try to sleep and then panic about anything and everything. and for some reason it always seems like i should get up and do some uni work! anyways i eventually got to sleep and woke up way too much. got up yesterday and felt really exhusted, and bit sick but i thought it was tiredness and that i'd feel better. went to uni and my friend liz was like you ok, i said i was tired and didnt feel great, and she was like you dont look very well. after sitting through and hour of my lecture, trying not to throw up i decided to go home. had to try and find my lecturer coz we had basic life support in the afternoon, and it was compuslory. im so so glad i came home. was sick a few times :( and just curled up in bed lacking energy to do anything at all! slept a bit in the afternoon and went to bed at 930 last night! altho didnt overly sleep well but i think thats coz i had slept in the afternoon. altho i feel kinda human again! not very hungry but might have some toast in a bed. and ive been sipping lemonade which i forgot is actually quite nice, i might also make an attmept at some work this afternoon. dont really fancy doing a lot tho, but might try and journal search for my dissertation! but its lush coz ive now got a lap top i can do it in bed. anyways, gnna try and find something to do as slightly bored now love you all xxxx Current Mood: groggy

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November 30th, 2008

02:50 pm so, being back at uni means i have time again. i think ive been far to social recently, but kinda makes up from being on placement and not really having time. im so so sleepy, i just cant seem to be sleeping at the moment. i hate it so much. its like as soon as i want to sleep my mind wakes up and i start thinking about everything and anything! it then means the next day im really tired and struggle to work. arrrrrr im so confused as to when uni got so bad! i mean i know ive always had work, and not been the most motivated person but this is just silly now! i realyl need to get on with my dissertation, but everytime i go to do some i remember other work which i need to do before it! so talking about dissertations i think i finally have it sorted what im doing(you know only a few months after we got set it! :S ). so i saw my tutor mandy on weds morning. who i have to say is the one of the most lovely people! i sat and had a bit of a rant about how i was confused and didnt really know what i was doing. basically i was gonna look at links between depression and suicide, but i was saying that these were 2 huge subjects and i just didnt really get how to connect them togther. so she suggested just focusing on one. ive tried just depression already and there was a lack of nursing stuff, so i said it would have to be suicide but i didnt mind as i thought that was really interesting. but then i said i just felt rubbish as we were given all the work in july, and here i am end of nov only just deciding and ive wasted far too much time. but she said sont think of it like that. she said its not a waste of time, ive got a much better idea and subject and that to remember that its not in til april. also i guess its better to have a subject i can properly write about one, rather than doing depression just so i dont waste time! so just need to start work on it. im seeing mandy again beofre christmas, and we've decided what i can work on between now and then. so what else. i now have bought another fish. so i have four :) ive renamed bob and hes now bobby, and bought bertie on weds. its like a mini family in my tank. im at my mums at the mo but all my family have gone out. im really tempted to work, but i decided id have a day off and try to be really good in the week.  ummm my house mate amy bought mamma mia, and is adicitied to the point of watching it 3/4 times a day! ive been good tho and only watched it twice. i think i have a fairly busy week this week. um in uni 2 full days and one morning. got my basic life support tomorrow and manual handling friday. friday eve me and my housemates are going to cheddar to look at the christmas market and lights which should be good. bought my advent calander earlier, disney princesses. nearly bought the high school musical one, but had that one last year! having my hair done weds, but dont really know what i want done. mmm may have to have a think about that. its so so cold. actully like proper winter now! oooo i rememeber what else i did. went out to antix on park street for dee's bday last week and spent 50p and that was on parking! i was a good girl and reaslied how broke i was so thought id drive! hd an awesome night but feel muchly tired after only 5 hours sleep. ive also realsied my other problem. i still type like i talk, which means it often looks werid. but then you guys can pretend your reading it! for some reason(probs coz ive got lost of work to do) i read back through all my old journal posts this week. i thought it was really odd, and someof it did seem very teenageish, but then some of what i wrote i still struggle with now. mmmmm. anyways im off. love you all laods and loads xxx Current Location: my room at my parents Current Mood: thoughtful

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October 22nd, 2008

01:49 pm oh my gosh! ive realised how bad i've become at updating this! so, i thought while i have a bit of time(probs should be working), i thought i might do an update. well where shall i start? summer was awesome, dispite not being much summer weather. i went on a kids camp just outside of thornbury from mon til fri. that was muchly fun dispite being very tiring. the leaders went down on the monday so we could set up and get to know each other a bit, then the kids arrived on the tues. they were 8 and 9 year olds who haven't been away from home before. i love doing kids camps, although i felt like i could sleep for a week after.  we went to the gower, and it was the one day it didnt stop raining! we ended up going on a woodland walk, and i learnt flip flops arent the best to wear! and somehow i ended up being the only one to fall over, and managd to fall over on the flat ground! we also went to the beech for a bit, and i went paddling and got very wet!  i was quite glad it was only in thronbury as i found the driving home i was nearly asleep! I also went to momentum. that was an awesome week too! i love soul survivor, but noticed last year i felt like i was starting to get old! i thought momentum was just as good, and the talks seemed more relevant, and the atmosphere was just more mature. me sally went down in my car and meet nic down there, coz he was stewarding. we had great joy trying to put up the tent! we manged to put it up slightly wrong , but managed to sort it. ooooo and the other exciting thing about momentum, is that there is cafe uno in the big top, and also chairs! and it was rather nice not sitting on the floor all week! we did manage to have a slight tent accident one night. the sat night it was really windy and hammered down with rain. on of the pegs on the side door of our porch came out, and so instead of the water draing onto the ground it went into the porch and soaked up through the bottom of my bag! the clothes at the bottom of the bag got drenched, but luckily i tend to over pack so i still had enough clothes to last.  mmmm what else. it was an awesome week, and just so nice being around that many of christians and all worshipping God together. so, im offically a 3rd year, and to be honest i'm so scared and freaking out about the year. it just feels like there is so so much work to do and not enough hours in the day to do it! and i feel like christmas should be sooner, coz we started back 7 weeks ago! we came back in the first week of september, and went straight onto placement. i was doing my elcetive so did 4 weeks at kingsweston special needs school. i think its been one of my favourite placements so far. i didn't do anything to do with nursing, but instead did teachng assistant work. it was so so amazing. there were 10 kids in the class, all boys, and only 3 were verbal. so i picked up quite a lot of makaton. i've decided as well that i really either want to go into special needs or mental health. even though i was only there for 4 weeks i felt like i settled in, and got to know the kids really weel. oooo and we even went on a few mini trips, to portishead and ashton court. and we did some cooking, which was just funny, as i had the boy who would put anything and everything in his mouth! i also realised that i had started to pick up autisitc tendencies like flapping my arms and spinning my phone on the table. altho im sure i did these things before and just started to notice them more now. so, currently i'm back on hospital placement. im working long day (730am til 8pm) nd doing 3 a weeks, altho this week im in uni so have done my 2 shifts!im on ward 34 at the children's which is the oncology ward. and the kids and parents are really nice and so are the staff. and it doesnt seem as depressing as i thought it might. altho seeing those many kids having chemo and who are in and out of hospital is quite tough.  and coz of my elctive im only there for 6 weeks and ive done three! and should probs start working on some of my skill sheets :S also, somewhere in the midst of all this craziness i need to be writing a dissertation. i had started to do some of my journal searching over summer, but not as much as i should have. i had decided that i wanted to look at how depression affects adolescents. ive been put into a supervision group with 4 others as we were doing similar subjects(2 are doing attachement, and 2 others are doing mental health related things). and we got 2 supervisiors. one is louise who is my personnal tutor and the other one is mandy who is a mental health lecturer, who said she didnt mind helping out. we had our 2nd group session about 2 weeks ago, an it took ages to go round, so we've split into two groups. and i thought i had my subquestions sorted. i was going to look t the causes and treatments of depression, and if there was a link between depression and suicide( dont i just choose cheery topics!). anyways i was told i needed to link it to child nursing, but as soon i started looking for articles i couldnt find any which linked into nursing, which sent me into a bit of a panic! but anywas i saw mandy today, and i'm slightly going to change and look at depression and overdoses, and then i can write about nurses attitudes to overdoses, and it'll all in theory work coz i cn link it into practice. so other random stuff thats happened. i now own a laptop! my computer pretty much died and i thought i'd relly stuggle this year without one. so i'm sat typing this whilst in bed :) tis very very nice. i had a very awesome birthday. i was out the night before, and when i got in i was blinfolded and told if i needed the toilet i had to shout and they blindfold me and lead me, coz they had decorated the stairs :) i have a full house now. char moved in back in july coz she didnt get on with her housemates, and katy moved in at the start of sept. and i thought living with 6 others would feel like loads, but it doesnt and they are all so lush, i cant believe ive only got another year left living with them! i cant believe im 22 tho! its sounds old :(. i had to work at kings weston during the day but it was really lush. and it meant i had to get up early. only 1 of my housemates had set their alarm on their phone, but her battery died, which meant i was the first one up! but i did go and wake them all up by jumping on them all! went downstairs and i got to open my presents from them. i had pictionary which came with etch a sketch! high school musical earrings, and a huge pinyata in the shape of a crown with disney princesses on it! and i had a card with captian jak sparrow on it, and played the theme tune! so i was dancing round the kitchen at 7am with my pinyata stick, and everyone else looked like they were gonna fall asleep! emma(the teacher) had bought cake, so i got to blow out candles, altho i struggled coz i kept giggling. my mum dad and brother took me out for a meal in the eve which was rwally lush, and my parents bought me a really nice mp3 player. had a house party on the friday which was much much fun. was realy nice to just see everyone. and i had pin the tail on the donkey, and got to hit my pinyata! altho the only place it could hang was in the doorway in the conservatory which led into the garden, and i was a bit scared hitting it, as every so often i managed to hit the glass! hollie bought me an awesome awesome present. a fish tank! and gave me the money to get the fish! so me and my friend sian went fish shopping saturday, and they're called bob and larry (fter veggie tales). and very cute, although they are rather small. also last week i went to the academy to see delirious and they were amazing! i was right at the front :) and ive realsied martin smith is actully a very beautiful man! i love seeing them in concerts and it always seems really worshipful. whereas ive found when ive seen them lead worship it sometmes seems a bit concerty. anyways i better go, need to actually start some work, and gonna pop to tesco. much love xxxx Current Location: my room Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: mr brightside

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February 4th, 2008

07:02 pm - life mmmm ive actually not written on here for ages! ooo what shall i write. Life is pretty good at the mo. i love my house and the people i live with, and it's so close to uni. i prpobs should be doing some work but really lacking the motivation right now to do any.  2nd year is going well, i cant believ i'm nearly half way through my course it's really quite scary. ive been on placement since mid-november an i'm kinda at that stage now where i'm loving it but alos looking forward to being back in uni. i did 5 weeks in Neonatal intensive care beforechritmas in glos and i'm now in special care in cheltenham.its really nice and such a lovely unit an the nurses are really lovely, but doin 13 hour days an havin tio drive an hour there and an hour back is so so tiring. an i've decided as cute as babies are it's not what i want to specialise in when i finish. i much prefer older kids who i can talkto and play with. but i guess this placement has been good coz i've been able to improve mu communication skills with parents and stuff. and we've decided we're living in the same house next year which is great coz i cant really be bothered with moving out and in again some where else, coz ive that for the last 2 summers an its not overly fun.  ooo what else has happened? christmas was good, it was realyl nice to be back at home and just have some time to chill and see people. had 3 days off work as well but coz of the days i was down to work it kinda ended up being nearly 2 week. and it was only coz i had a cold! but they are ickle premature babies so i didnt wanna risk giving them anything oh well i guess i should probs go an do some work or something productive. xxx Current Mood: bored

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